Athena.

Boom Bang

Tasya — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 21:56:23 +0000

Sometimes when you think your heart is drying up, a tiny bit of hope comes along. Though it’s not much to begin with, it only takes a little bit of faith to make your heart a whole again But, of course you’ll have some doubts in and out but you can never know until you know Right ?

Dickhead.com

Tasya — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:49:53 +0000

It’s kinda fucked up isnt it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides never to talk to you again. No reason. No explanation. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them. What hurts the most is how they made it look so easy.

Yes. You know who you are. UNGREATFUL piece of shit.

Is love alive ?

Tasya — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 10:20:13 +0000

I’m not even sad about it. But i’m not exactly happy either. I feel numb though, not gonna lie. But i’m alright. I know if I place an expectation I would be dissapointed. But I do it anyway, who knows maybe one day I wont be? That sense of not knowing what’s gonna happen makes me belief that it would turn out alright. Everytime I hope for something I’m always putting a positive thinking. And when I’m letdown, I know i’ve done my part. That is why I don’t feel anything from the outcome. Because I already know what’s gonna happen even my mind says otherwise. And like I said, I’m honestly alright with it. It’s like I don’t give a fuck anymore . I don’t believe in love, I don’t believe that everyone is good at heart. Sad to say I used to. Go ahead and break my heart for all I care, because at the end of the day it’s not even whole to begin with.

It’s okay not to be okay.

Tasya — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 10:02:31 +0000

Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart. Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising, just be true to who you are. – Jessie J <3

It’s okay not to be okay.

Tasya — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 13:49:32 +0000

Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart. Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising, just be true to who you are. – Jessie J <3

Dear Stars, take me with you.

Tasya — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:31:41 +0000

When I was younger, I used to remember how angry I was with the world. I remembered when I was just seven, I had these artwork I did in school and I always carry them in a file. Then this girl took them away from me. I remembered going home saying nothing to my parents. And then the next day I got bullied again, someone else poked a pencil on my arm repeatedly. The same day I told my mum, and she came to my school and it was all sorted. I felt so safe, so.. cared for. I felt at that very moment, nothing could go wrong. I wanted to grow up being capable to care for myself and not depend on anyone. The thought of being an adult is almost, comforting. I was so determined that I would get that sense of respect, and that I would finally understand this cruel world. But I’ve literally got it all wrong. I dont get this world at all, I’m more confused than I ever was. Now I’m just longing to go back to the days where I had someone there to fight back for me when my feelings are disregarded. To the days where everything was done for me, even the tiniest thing that upsets me were taken care of. I didn’t had to worry about anything. But that’s where something called growing up comes along. It comes along and takes away the only happiness that we all think would last forever. Maybe it’s still in me, the hapiness I mean. Sometimes when I look at other people, I envy them. I envy the genuine love they get, not just from their parents but from friends, family, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever really. And here I stand, excepting the love I think I deserve. When people see me, they always ask why am I always happy, how do I stay happy? How do I keep a smile when everything else falls apart. They stand there asking me all these questions I wish I knew the answer to. It’s one of my nature really, I stay happy just for the simple fact that I need somethig to hide my tormented emotions. My bottled up anger, disapointments, heartaches, memories, regrets.. So the list goes on. Yes, I do have regrets. I’m not saying I don’t learn from them, I do. But that regret is still there. It’s a part of who I am. It will always be there. I’ve always said to myself, never love, care or be there for anyone. Because at the end of the day, there’s no guarantee they’ll do the same and leaving you looking like a dickhead. I’m no expert in love, but I’m an expert of falling. Everyone wants to be loved. But it’s hard to be loved when you’re me. From the experiences I’ve been through, I see everyone as a pure risk. I’m scared to be loved, I’m scared of setting an expectation. I’m scared that everyone else is just gonna turn away and leave. There’s no difference between lies and compliments, it’s all the same when everybody leaves. It’s all the same. So I turned myself to the stars, hoping that one day I could somehow be right. Be right for the world, cause at the moment my belonging doesn’t exist. I feel myself when I’m out gazing up to the sky, the beauty of the universe is the only thing that I believe in.

To be on the edge of breaking down.

Tasya — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:24:41 +0000

Only rarely did I ask myself what I was doing there. Maybe the constant time being there overrules my questioning. It’s almost like a gathering, for my dad to show me off. I can tell deep inside he is disappointed, but I guess the sense of joy he gets when his friends say these nice things about me. Most of them just took it for granted and were friendly to me in a exaggerated way. ” My favorite daughter ” said my father approvingly, patting my cheek with his hand. The world of my early childhood began to crack. At first, only small cracks appeared, barely noticeable in the familiarity of my surroundings so that I still took little notice of them, blaming myself as the cause of all the discord.

The things I’ve seen , and the things I’ve experienced makes who I am today. I switch too easily , people say my mood is never getting me no where. But then I say, is it my fault that I was put into a high expectation knowing that I’m never capable for it? Is it my fault that I never say a word even if it hurts me so much I can barely think? Did I asked to be lied to ? Where was anyone when I needed them? Where was my role model? Let alone who , who was my role model? People talk , and talk and talk and talk. Not once they stop and think. Not once they see the world as how I see it.

I did everything you asked me to do. I never complained to you , not once I raised my voice about how I feel. I talk to myself about it and fall asleep while I’m at it. And the next day I try to pretend that everything’s okay. Not once I let you see my tears because I know how much it hurts for you to see me like this. I am strong , only in your eyes. But inside, I’m just hoping for someone to come and rescue me. I’m angry , I’m angry that you have to do this to yourself. And for what? Nothing Mum. I know you want what’s best for me. But sometimes you can’t fight destiny.

All I want is to be home. To be where I belong. Even though the thought of not being where I’m supposed to be kills me , I promised myself not to say a word to you. Because I know I’m already a letdown , and by doing this is gonna be more of a disappointment. I know how happy and proud you feel when you tell everyone where I am and what I’m doing. But Dad, I’m not happy. Just remember, I’m your daughter too. Yea?

yes. i’m tired.

Tasya — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 21:23:38 +0000

and sometimes it hits me out of nowhere, all of the sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes over me. and i get discouraged and i get upset, and i feel hopeless, sad, and hurt. and once again, i feel numb to the world.

Tasya — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 22:59:34 +0000

You see that girl staring into space? If you were to ask what’s wrong, she would say nothing. When in reality it’s everything. She’s sitting there wondering what she did wrong. What she could’ve done differently, how she would have change it if she had the chance. And if she had the chance to go back and do it over again, would it end with the same results ? That’s why she stares.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious , bitch.

Tasya — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 16:14:55 +0000

Well yes, I bought an iPhone. Strange thing is , I’m not even bothered to use it. I still have my old Blackberry, I feel so guilty neglecting my baby shakanana Also now my iPhone’s named Stevie. Damn you Steve! You’re never touching my iPhone whilst in Maths ever agaaaaain. Firstly you tried to lick it. Second caress it. Lastly tried to nik it. Hell to the O? I’m not daft my friend. I would kill you with my chopsticks.

But anyhu. I’ve just realised how shitty college actually is. It’s this same feeling everyone has on the first day of college. New enviroment, A proper smoking pen, A nice cafe ( well not technically but better than nothing ) Not too far from town.. and so the list goes on. But now as December’s creeping in, all hell breaks lose. Suddenly the tree’s are too big for me, the snow is pretty much raping me all the time, the smoking area is now so so so cold with icy benches, a cafe I forgot even existed, and well.. town.. I can’t complain. Town will always be town. o.O

It’s not even January yet but I can’t wait for my first year in COCKllege to end. Which I suppose.. is in May ? Will be going to Spain and crashing over at Luna’s Oh Mi Amorrrrr ;P She’s fit. Oh well. :3 What was that placed called again.. Malaga? Me think. I honestly just feel like dropping out of college, get full time shitty job, save up as much as I can and just travel travel travel. I haven’t planned about the future and about what I wanna do yet. Although I do love to move up to Brighton for University there. It’s sooo pretty over there D: The pebble beach The structure of the buildings. :O Okayokay , where was I.. Yea, travel. I feel that it’s the only decent thing to do at the moment. Uni tuition fee’s gone up and we’re all fucked. The economy us pretty much as lauzy and it was what 184932784239 years ago ? The world’s never gonna change. I have nothing to look forward to in this shitty as world. I just wanna travel and live life to the max and just die. That’s pretty much it.

Oh well, I need to go. Mylene’s waiting.

Yours, Reena. or Tasya. Lol. xxxx